So, to be quite honest, I think that my loneliness is beginning to take its toll on my mood. I've been in a rather crumby mood the past few days and I can't exactly put my finger on it as to why. Maybe its because all I've been doing is studying for the test of my insurance license. That is rather stressful. Or could it be that I haven't even been out on a date for about a year and five months, nor have I seen any possibilities. That is a bit depressing for me... since I am 24 years old... will be 25 in May, and haven't really now that I think of it had a serious relationship, ever. Sure, there were once relationships that I thought were serious at the time, but they either turned out to be a lie or not as serious as I thought. Take your pick. It makes me wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't even seem to get a guy remotely interested in me. Oh there were times in the past year and a half that I thought maybe certain guys that I had met might be a possibility. However, after consideration, I realized that either they weren't what I was looking for and/or I am not what they are looking for.

I am hoping that this year for me will be much better than the last year has been. Yes, last year I did take part in a trip to England and Scotland, which was amazing. I have pictures all over my wall of pictures from that trip. It was so much fun, and I was so glad to get to hang out with some old friends. There were low parts of that trip, but for the most part it was a good thing for me. I got some time away from the life that had become normal to me, and had a wonderful time. But now thinking of it makes me really miss my friends that I never get to see anymore. I can't seem to find friends around here that can even compare to the friendships I developed at IWU. I miss them all so much! I can't even express how much I miss them and think of them every day. I wish I could talk to them more, or even hear from them by way of e-mails more. My heart aches when I think that I do not really know when I will see them again.

On a bit of a lighter note, I began studying for my insurance license test Tuesday. I paid $220 dollars for the test/books/class.... and I am GOING to pass the test the first time. Otherwise, I will have to pay another $60 to take the test again. So I've already taken about 35 pages of notes on 4 lessons on annuities. It seems pretty easy, however It is going to be a LOT of information. Nothing compared to Music History I'm sure! But if I am even mediocre at this job, I can make a butt ton of money. Seriously. With that ton of money, I'll pay off my debt, and my car and buy a house. I know which one too. That is my motivation. To buy the house I practically grew up in- my Gramma's old farmhouse. Some douche-bag owns it now, and I will way overpay for the house if I need to. I love the house and I will eventually own it.

Do you ever wonder if someone from your past is your "soulmate?" It just makes me wonder. Lately I've been missing a fella from my past and I wonder what it all means. Perhaps it is just loneliness. I'm sure that's probably it. I just can't seem to get him out of my head and that must mean something significant. Its strange. But then again, I am strange... but it just makes you wonder...

Well- I'm going to go watch Leno cuz the guy who plays Napoleon Dynamite is going to be one. SWEET! I'm out for now.


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