John & Kate

I've never seen the show John & Kate plus 8. I had never even heard of it until a few months ago. I've only ever seen clips of it on shows like "The Soup." But somehow, even though I've never wanted to watch this show, these people are constantly on my TV. They need to go away and get off my TV. The media circus needs to stop giving these people airtime.

I do not care about all the negativity going on in these people's lives. I do not want to hear another story about how a man is leaving his wife for casual sex with young women. I do not want to see another man basically abandon his children because he's bored with his life. I do not care who is taking what money out of their bank account. Please take them off our TVs.

Why don't we see more information about the Crisis in Darfur? That is more important than John &Kate. That is more tragic, and has to do with innocent civilians being murdered and raped. There are children being turned into killing machines.

Let's hope that John & Kate go away, and we start to see some real news on our TVs. Otherwise, I challenge you to turn off those shows that glorify these two people who are divorcing. I feel sorry for the kids, but let's face it- their father is more of a child than they are and both of their parents are feeding the media frenzy when they should be tending to their children.

Let's focus on something we may be able to do something about and help. What do you know about Darfur? How can you help? I'm working on letters to people in positions of importance at the UN. You can too. See my link relating to this story to see what more you can do.

Aunt Neen

In case you didn't know, My Aunt died Saturday. She was a huge part of my life... she always will be. She's the person who helped make me who I am. A lot of my sense of humor and my alleged wittiness is because of how much time I've spent with her throughout my life.

Its taken me a while to write this because every time I think about it, or say it out loud... it doesn't seem like it could be true. I was there. I saw her body lifeless, not breathing that day. I still find it surreal. I went to the viewing. Even as I walked into the funeral home it didn't seem like this could be possible. How could Aunt Neen be dead? How is this fair? She was only 54 years old!

She fought valliantly... stubbornly. Imagine that, a member of my family is stubborn! She defied everything they said of her with this cancer. They said it would be two months. She went three and a half. They said a few days after going off dialysis, maybe a week. It was a week and a half. These may seem like small things but I know she didn't want to die. I know she wanted to fight and fight and never give up.

I know she didn't want to because I was there when hospice first came to the house. I was in her room with her. I had gone to see her and to bring my dog to see her too... because she loved him so much. She said to me "I don't know why they're all here. I think they think I'm dying." I wanted to cry... but I couldn't do it in front of her. She was so brave... how could I be so weak in her presence?

I never thought I could feel more pain in losing someone after Andrea died last year. I still miss her every day. But when I grew up... gosh.. I spent so much time with my Aunt, if we didn't live in a small town people would have believed I was her daughter (I say that because everyone knows everyone, so they knew who my mom really was). She did so much for me and in the end all I can do for her is sing at her funeral. I was there for her.. I visited her.. I was there every day in the end. But that doesn't make me feel like I somehow lost time with her by not being there every day for the last two years.

I know this is all part of the process. Part of me thinks that if I go to Grandma's house, that she's still going to be there. Not like she was in the end.. just in bed not able to really respond. She'd be there like she always was... full of life, laughter and just love.

No matter what I said or did... no matter how I screwed up.. she always loved me. No matter what... she was always there for me. Never in judgment... always in love and understanding... and usually with humor.

I know although she couldn't really respond to me at the end.. I know... in my heart of hearts that she heard me say how much I loved her, and when I thanked her for everyhing she's done for me in my life. I know she heard me. I know she loved me. She didn't know any other way.

Kanye West: Jackass

So what? The president called Kanye west a jackass. So ... when is it wrong to speak in truth, whether on the record or off? Quite frankly, thank goodness someone high profile said it (and it doesn't get much higher profile than the president).

Obama said that Kanye is a jackass because guess what: HE IS A JACKASS! Recall the hurricane Katrina telethon. Recall his actions toward paparazzi. I admit, I would probably get pretty ticked off about people constantly taking my picture- but then again if you're famous you must be kind of thankful for that too, because if they weren't taking your picture anymore that means no one cares about you and you must have fallen into obscurity.

I also found his "apology" on Jay Leno very contrived and not sincere at all. The almost fake crying did nothing for me. Maybe he was upset about how his mother would have reacted. However, that doesn't say to me he's any less of an idiot (or as the president said, jackass). He has proven to be a very ignorant racist person.

Racist, you ask? Yes. Kanye West is the kind of person who doesn't help the problem with racism in this country, but makes it worse. He obviously sees color (hence "George Bush doesn't care about black people.") This bothers me. I mean, obviously everyone physically sees color. But many people in the world do not go out of their way to say "I don't care for that person because he/she is black." I admit that there are people who DO. However, I think that those people are not in the majority anymore as they used to be.

Finally! And then the bad news....

So today my man was finally able to contact me.. thank goodness! I can't handle no contact! We texted.. and he told me something that troubled me. HE said that he was dropped from a class and that changes his status. I didn't know what that meant. He said he has to take 12 credits to keep his status as a student here, and without that many credits he could get deported. This definitely worries me. Lansing is far enough away! Africa is too far away. Duh! Like I even had to say that.

So hopefully things will all work out. I'm praying hard... because honestly I would be devastated if he left me here alone.

Feeling down

The last week (not even full week) has been unbareable. The guy I've been seeing is having some issues with his phone service and I haven't been able to talk to him since Monday. We talked on the phone Monday, he e-mailed me on Wednesday and since then there has been no contact. I hate it. I feel like we're not even together. I hate it. I hate not being able to see him I hate us being so far apart- even though its not even that far.

I think he's worth it.. no- I know he's worth all the nights and days I spend without him. I just hate that I have to do it. I think that in one way its better than not having someone who (hopefully) is missing me too... but that doesn't make it suck any less.

I feel like I'm ready. I don't know if he is... sometimes I feel like he is... but I've been wrong before, so I try not to be too excited about it. I've just been burned so much and I get scared. I get scared when I don't get to talk to him on the phone. We've been in contact nearly every day one way or another for a while now... and all my fears just start building up.

He's told me he's afraid about what I think if he doesn't call me at night. I'm no expert but I think that means he cares. I just can't help that those fears to build up. I'm not sure what to say about it. I've just been treated like crap a lot... and I don't want to open myself up to that again. However, I do want to open up to him and to know him and for him to know me.

I'll stop going on and on now!

Thoughts of Confusion

Sometimes I just don't understand.... why do these things happen that shake me to the core and make me wonder about people... why do I have such an issue with trust that if I don't hear from my man, I automatically assume the worst? Maybe its because the worst has happened to me time and time again. Is this something I have to reiterate to him? Is he just that clueless? Or does he just not care? These are all of my questions... and I have no answer to them and no way to get in touch with him at this moment.

This is why men think we're crazy.

Alot has happened since my last post.

My brother got married:

It was the most beautiful wedding and most entertaining, fun and original reception I've ever been to. It was still traditional, but there were many neat ideas! I definitely know who is helping me when I have my big day! For those of you who don't know, that would be my sister-in-law, not my brother. Seriously- its sooo weird to think I have a sister-in-law!

Another thing has happened since then. I am very happy with the man I've been seeing. Actually, I'm getting ready to introduce him to my mom for the first time. Actually, this is the first time I've brought someone "home" in years. Its rather nerve-racking! I think its so much so for me because I know that this is actually important. I'm just so happy with him and I want to continue moving in a positive direction with him. :)

I said a lot.. but I guess I was wrong.. it was more like two major things.

I love my life...

I had a wonderful day with Davies today... such a good time all around... what kind of man says to you "Thank you for spending time with me today"? A great one.

Coward

I really hate when people leave stupid comments on my blog:

I just got this today, and no I won't publish it under whatever post it was posted on, but I will show it for what it is:

You're right. Your coworker had no right to make assumptions about someone who has twice been charged with counts of child molestation, changed his appearance so as to in no way resemble his former self, and who died of a suspected drug overdose. You had every right to chastise her for stating an opinion.

However, it is perfectly acceptable to show the love of Christ to your neighbors by leaving them passive-aggressive notes about taking out their trash. I'm sure the phrase "it's not rocket science" was in no way rude, hurtful or disrespectful and I'm sure it opened many doors for you to show them Christ's love in the future.

Standing up for a deceased person that you don't even know doesn't take much effort, but showing the same respect to those nearest to you does.If you want others to take your messages seriously, consider the other messages you're posting on the very same blog.


As for the first paragraph above:

I did not chastise her for her judgemental opinion. And no, she didn't have the right to judge anyone, and neither do you... whoever you are. No one has the right to judge... it says so in the good book. You aren't God and I'm glad you aren't because you speaking to me in that fashion just shows that you're one of those people who takes themself way too seriously and can't take a joke.

Second paragraph: I Left my neighbors a note instead of talking to them because they stay up all night partying (loudly and disrespectfully.. although having been asked nicely to respect the other people in this place) and aren't awake during the daytime or if they are, they aren't around. So the note was to make sure they got the message. And seriously, who doesn't know how to take out trash? It certainly isn't rocket science. And the fact that you got uptight enough about that just shows that you obviously don't know me and my sense of humor.

Here are a few other things about these neighbors: At least one was on felony probation, recently his probation officer came looking for him to arrest him. I'm pretty confident they were selling and using drugs in their apartment which is only separated by a wall and a vent from my place. I had no proof, so I could not call the police.. since they live next door and I already felt unsafe with them living there... especially with the type of people that they associated with. What else? yes, there's more. Another one was being sought out by Child Protective Services for some reason. I don't know ... all I know is that they have been looking for him and watching over him for some time. Also, I heard the way those guys talked to those kids (with all sorts of expletives) and I understand a little of why. I have gotten up at four in the morning and asked them to be quiet because they woke me.. and anyone that knows me knows I can sleep through ANYTHING. Well, at least I used to think I could.

Before you come down on me, maybe you should think of how you would feel if after asking multiple times for trash to be taken out, and going up to your door with trash in front of it because animals came up the stairs and got into the trash and ripped the bag open. How would you feel after in the summer you came home every day to more and more trash building up outside your door? Believe me, it didn't smell good either.

Third Paragraph: I stand up for things I think deserve to be stood up for. Friends (you can ask many), causes, and I like to keep people in check. Most people don't realize when they are offending others (and I'm sorry, but as much as you might not like it, the MJ subject is a touchy one for many people).

I urge you all to remember a few things. Before you judge anyone for altering their looks through plastic surgery, something they are accused of, or just being "different," think about this: how many women "alter" their appearance with make-up? How many people work out not to stay healthy, but to "look good?" You're not throwing stones are you?

And also, next time you judge someone for something they are accused of.. maybe you can think of a time when someone falsely accused you of something you didn't do. How did that make you feel? I can only think of a few little things that I was accused of that I know I didn't do, and I know that made me feel horrible. I can only imagine if it was something like what MJ was accused of (and found not guilty of for lack of evidence).

One last thing:

People who can't even have the gall to put their real name on a post are really just hiding. I think that is just ridiculous. So many people get on the computer and go to whatever site and post their opinion on things to feel important.. or to show "how right they are." Maybe before posting next time, you can consider that you may not know the person you are coming down on. You don't know their situation. And you certainly have no right telling the person what to do, how to react, or what to post or not to post. I'm just a flat out honest person who likes to make people laugh. Some people may not get this... they may not realize how to take my posts because they don't know me. Know this: This blog was not meant for your eyes then. My friends read this, and I expect no one else to read and understand this blog because even people that know me sometimes don't know how to take me.

Lighten up.

Judgemental People/Christians

This past week or so I have been plagued by the fact that people (especially Christians) are so judgemental. I will try to put this into words because this very thing makes me very upset- especially within the Christian community.

This is what encouraged this post:

A little over a week ago, I was at Uccellos with some friends from work. A girl I worked with said something that most people know better than to say to me. She said that she thought Michael Jackson was "weird." I asked "well, do you know him?" She said no. I said "well, have you ever met him?" Again, she responded with a no. I said "well, then you don't really know, do you?" I can't remember if there was any logic or educated response- she just said "I just think he's weird." I again went through my questions, then said "You and I both know there's One Judge, and you're not He." Of course, as a Christian she had nothing to say in response to that.

Then today, I made a joke about how I should have used a funeral day or bereavement time for today. She gave me the death stare, as if I was Satan himself. I looked at her and said "It was a joke!" Then she said some things that really got me hot. She said she thought he was "overrated," and as I told her "Not to go there" she said he was "a freak." I told her again not to go there.

First of all, I know the history. Believe me, I've been a Michael Jackson fan since I was born practically. I know more than the average person does about his life. I still believe in America, our Legal system, and I do believe (as emphasized in the memorial today) that men are innocent until proven guilty. Michael Jackson has not been proven guilty.

I also do believe that ALL men have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. I also believe in his saving grace. I believe that ALL men have sinned. Shall the first of us cast the first stone at Michael Jackson for his legal problems, alleged crimes, "odd" behavior, or changing "look?"

Did you know that before Michael Jackson MTV never played R & B or black artists? Thank you MJ for Thriller.

It really makes me angry when holier-than-thou Christians (or people in general) assume things. And it also ticks me off when Christians go out of their way to judge people (judge not, lest you be judged according to the same measure). The judgmental Christians of this world are the ones who turn people off to the church. I have been on the "turned off" side, so I can speak to it. Its the same for the "fake" Christians. People don't want a part of something fake, judgmental, hypocritical. They want to be part of something genuine, loving, and accepting.

So next time you want to cast that stone, remember that you are not perfect. Whether or not Michael Jackson (or anyone else for that matter) had "Issues" with his looks, money, etc.. think about what occured over the past few weeks. The day he died, the world practically stopped. Every news story was about how he had passed. Everyone was talking about it. No one could believe it. Everyone was listening to songs like "Heal the World," "Earth Song," "Hold Me," and any other song by MJ.

Maybe something else you can do is say to yourself: What can I do to impact the world? How can I do my part?

I'm sorry, but I doubt many of us will know how it feels to have the world love them, and to have impacted so many people through spoken word or song that thousands of people will do whatever it takes to simply have a seat at our funeral.

And today. Hundreds of thousands of people stopped their day to watch or participate in a memorial service to a man they didn't personally know. He was a true humanitarian. He got the whole world to stop and sing "Heal the World, and "We are the World" in the middle of a workweek. People all over the streets of New York City and London were holding hands and singing songs about making the world a better place! How extraordinary is that? How often does it happen that the whole WORLD takes note of an event?

Let's continue to not judge each other, but lift each other up in prayer. Let us get to know each other, and truly love each other. Maybe next time when someone says "I love you," You can respond with "I love you more" and truly mean it.