My Heart - by Kristen Lea

Do you ever think that some people just always have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? I think that some people are like that. To me, its sorta pathetic. If you're defined by whether or not you have a boyfriend, or you think that is how your identity is defined... how sad is that? I mean, I wish that I had a boyfriend- but I don't think that me not having one defines who I am... Oh well... too bad for those people. Why are men so infuriating?! Just curious. I have a friend... any "smelly" things... like Lotion, body splash, or perfume...smell bad to him. Well, today he said to me "You smell today... not smell, but... new hairspray?" I thought, "shut it" and chose not to answer. He can kiss my butt. I am watching (for the first time ever) Bridget Jones' Diary, and I am liking it. It is easy to relate to... at least for me at this moment in my life. I'm done now.

Yeah one more thing that I forgot to say..... I am soooo sick of people who complain about being single. FOR THE LOVE- do something about it if you're so dang miserable! I have been single almost forever... and I don't complain non-stop about it... I comment about how lonely I am once in a great while... however... I don't complain about it constantly like some people. Quite frankly... its infuriating and pathetic. I am disgusted.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh I cannot wait to get out of this bloody house. I'm pretty sure I hate everything about having to live here. My family... my family... yeah... so I have that "going for me." I am not having a good time with this at all... I NEED OUT... This gives me sooo much incentive to save my money. I am going nuts here! Yeah... that's about all I have for now... the best thing going on right now is that payday is tomorrow. WAHOOOOOOOO! I have bills to pay (unfortunately). I'm out.

Yo peeeeeeeps! All one of you reading this! Well... this weekend was pretty good weekend. I went and saw Shrek 2, and it was frickin' HILARIOUS! Anyhoo... yeah. Today at work was a decent day.... I mean nothing bad happened..... so that was good. Um I don't really have all that much more to say except we SHRINK WRAPPED our assistant manager's car for his 21st birthday... it was frickin' awesome!!!!!!! That is all for now I guess.

Life stinks. The only funny thing I have to say is about the butter story... some lady gave my friend butter covered money at walmart.. and said, "sorry, its covered in butter." And I said, "was she amish? Did she just get done churning butter?"

I have a few thoughts for today...the first one is this: Don't you hate it when you go to a website a ga-billion times and its the same... then one day BAM! it hits... the site is different... and you can't find anything and you feel completely stupid and you begin to hate the website itself just because you can't find anything anymore and change is wretched. oh.. or is that just me? Anyhoo... another thought I was having is that you never really know someone until one certain thing happens to them... they become infatuated with someone... some people completely change when they're "madly in lust" with someone. I hate that! Especially girls... they will forsake their friends... and just become a total "biznatch" as my friend Jasmine would say. Why can't people just like someone and not act like a wench? That really irks me about girls... at least guys are just pigs and will talk about how girls are hot and still talk to their friends an...

Only nine more days until the Scotland/England trip! I'm excited! This weekend I have to spend a few days with some jr. high and high schoolers for this thing at IWU that my church's youth group is going to... that should be interesting... just one more thing until the trip. well, my week was LONG! Its a very long story... and I don't really want to go into it...we shall see how things go at work when i go back sunday... that's all i care to write now...later.

Today was a good day... not exciting, but good.... A few of my friends are leaving for Florida tonight and I am a bit jealous. Ah well.... My week has been interesting... i've gotten into arguments a few times at work this week... and if it happens any more something might be hitting the fan. SERSIOUSLY. Anyhoo.. I have these tickets to this play thingy sunday... it's called "the life Giver" and i'm hoping that it is awesome... since I paid 15 bucks each for them. What is up with Prof sending me an e-mail and signing it "Todd"? I can't handle that... I will never ever ever ever call him Todd as long as I live. I guess its a respect thing. I don't have much else to say...except for if i ever have to do the walmart cheer ever again it will be too soon. Kristen:)

Well, I recently started my new position at walmart... now don't get too excited folks... no pay increase ... and i'm not doing anything important... I now work in Electronics... the department that i began in... lets do it all together now... awwwwww. Well, my friend Mike also works back there now and we're having a good time so far... he told me sarcastically tonight that he hated working with me because it was such a pain in the butt... then laughed. I don't know what that's supposed to mean... I guess it means that he's a punkster. I'm glad we work together though... it makes work worth going to... cuz we have some laughs. He was in rare form tonight, i must say... he was just full of it. Now I have tomorrow off and i'm not exactly sure what i'm going to do with myself besides SLEEP. I love to sleep... its so fun. Dreaming is fun too... cuz if you think about it.... anything is possible when you're dreaming.... ahhh.. dreams. Anyh...

Wow! I haven't written in a while! Micah, if you're reading this, just wanted to tell you again, that your recital was spectacular! I bet you're so happy that you don't have to deal with Galer anymore... although she's often the friend you love to hate. Anyhoooooo... Last night I went bowling, which has become more of a regular occurrance in my life in the past month or so... I think I've gone once a week for at least the past month. WE finally got Mike to go bowling, and it was so much fun! I don't know how much fun he thought it was, but I had tons of fun. Kimmie might have to get her butt kicked for coming and sitting in between us toward the end of the night... maybe she needed some attention. I don't know... Well, i just got invited to go bowling again.... I feel so popular! Guess I'll go for now.....

Yesterday I had the pleasure of going down to IWU and 1.) Paying my balance for the Chorale England trip, 2.) Hanging out with some friends whom i haven't seen in forever, 3.) Singing with the chorale for the first time in a very long time. IT was a wonderful time, and I got to see both Micah and Nicole, whom I haven't seen in a long time, and that was fantastic. Isn't it weird how when you don't see someone for a long time that you can realize in just seconds how different they are? I had this experience recently. One of my close friends acted so different and it kinda creeped me out. Circumstances change people, sometimes in ways that are not necessarily a good thing, i guess.

How is it that some people just have a way at getting at you? Some people just know what to say to get you going... there are two such people in my life at this particular moment. The Nazi Josef, and My former voice teacher. Although I love Dr. Galer, sometimes she can just get on my bad side.... the way she comes across to me and some of the things she says to me just piss me off to no end. For instance, I got an email from her today and it really upset me, because I am just fed up of the same old crap from her. I feel like nothing I ever do will ever be good enough and that she feels like she knows what is better for me than I do. I just can't take the same old crap anymore. Now I can understand why her former students didn't keep in touch with her.

Today was a good day... I took my papers in to get my taxes done so I can get money back!!!!! Yay! I was so happy when I got my W-2s... I need money... yay.... I will finally be able to get my car fixed. I'm so excited! I got to talk to my good friend from Florida today.... That was a good conversation.... I can't wait to go visit him this summer! Road trip! yeah baby! I'm looking forward to that although I do not know exactly when it will be. ALSO, I found out I had a few more donations for my England trip, which is awesome! I have no idea who sent the money, but I am totally excited about it! I guess God really does want me to go on this trip. State of the Union was tonight... I watched it.... Oh yes.... I recalled that the last time I watched it I was with my good friend Eric and we were eating pizza with College Republicans. How fun was that. I miss good times with Eric and CRs.

Firstly, My condolances to R. Todd "The Champ" Nicholson... he was in a car accident and had a few injuries... I'm thinking of ya, and I hope to "see ya" soon.... (I know its more likely that Micah would be reading this than him, so let him know what I said). Anyhoo... now that I got that out of the way... I just want to say that I love the Television show Law and Order SVU. Although many times I feel horrible about the characters often portrayed on the show because I know that there are sick people like that out there. It just breaks my heart. It makes me want to be part of the process to catch the scum bags. I also love when they trick people into confessing. That's the best! Anyway... today was another good day at work (wow- three in a row)! How great is that! And I got invited to go bowling with a bunch of friends for a birthday next Saturday; how fun is that?! If any of you guys (that probably aren't reading this... I'm jus...

OH one thing... I did convince Mike that Hell is actually being a cashier... forever... with the same customer, and you just never get finished with the order... and they're mad at you cuz you're not going fast enough for them... He said "that'd suck!" and i said, "duh, that's why it's my idea of what hell could be like."

So why is it that just when you've decided to give up on a possible relationship... something happens that makes you realize why you felt the way you did in the first place... Life can be so frustrating.... If I wasn't such a wuss I'd just go for it and tell my friend the way I feel, but I'm just too scared. Oh well, such is life. I designed some diamond rings tonight just for fun... one more reason not to rush into marriage... because I'm not sure what kind of ring I want! Today was a good day at work... FOR ONCE... I had a good time with Mike and with my other friends. Mostly Mike. We have a good time together. I missed working with him... we haven't worked with him in a while. My life is so exciting....... about as exciting as waiting for the mailman.

How sick am I of all the making fun of George W. Bush for being "stupid"? I know it is all in good fun most of the time.... but my brother actually takes it seriously and thinks that George W. is actually dumb. HE went to HARVARD people... dumb people don't go to Harvard! Dumb People don't graduate from Harvard! There... I got that out of my system. I never thought I'd almost look forward to going to work tomorrow.. but I am so bored after today... plus my brother and sister have been driving me insane. I cannot wait until I move outta here. I'm so ready.. hopefully this summer. How about I still don't have insurance, because walmart screwed up... AND they had better not tell me i have to wait to get insurance or i'm gonna cause some major uproar... they are totally in the wrong and should pay for my first month of insurance because i probably won't get it until next month now... no i actually have no idea when it will start, but it HAD ...

Hello all.... Do any of you know how much I love Lord of The Rings? Just curious, because i was thinking of watching it today...Since I have the day off.... I'll be going back to work tomorrow after two days off in a row... how much does that suck? I REALLY want to find a new job... if anyone has any suggestions, I'm totally open to them... Fundraising for my england trip is going decently well... I just need to find a few more generous donators or something like that... My church is trying to help me out, but its slow coming along on that front... I'm kinda anxious about things like "what if I don't get enough money?" and things of that nature... saving money is difficult when you have to pay back your loans and pay for your car. I am soooooo bored... And Passions is on, and I MUST turn it because this show is JACKED UP... my life is so uninteresting. Oh well. And I'm off to watch my Viggo in LORD OF THE RINGS.

Well, one question... how do you give people advice or tell them things they should know that you know without doing it the wrong way? I guess the key is tact, and that your heart is in the right place. My money situation is going okay for my england trip... there are still more people that i can hit up for money and we shall see how that goes along... i'm scared... but i can't wait until i have my trip paid for so i can get a cell phone. as soon as i get my car fixed, i am so buying a cell phone, and i'm excited about getting the new picture phone thing... that's like THE COOLEST! I'm so pumped about that! I have the next two days off, which i guess is cool, because i've been sick for the past week... i slept all sunday pretty much except for meals and church and girl's night, and then slept a full night again last night.... so i don't know how much more i can actually sleep... you'd think i'd get not tired eventually.. but i just kee...

Let's just get right down to the facts. I am down in the dumps.... I'm not a fan of my life right now and I'm not sure what I can do about it. I miss my friends back at IWU so much, and I hope they feel the same. THings just haven't been the same for me since graduating. Being so far away from my friends is difficult, but i guess I'll just have to get over it. I've heard from some friends whom i haven't seen in a few years lately and i really want to visit them, but they're so far away. I can't wait to have the money to visit them... that will be a really fun time.. i love to travel. quite honestly i don't have much positive to say lately... i'm not feeling good physically, but in any other way either. I'm having a rough time lately... I just want to sleep for a few days... haha... well, i shall go for now.

So yeah, this has been a blech last couple of days, but i'm back online! I've been sick, which sucks, because its like a cold kinda sick, where i'm stuffy and kinda can't hear clearly, so it's not like the kinda sick where you can just throw up and get it out, but its just there... i hate that. I told my friends at work they should feel sorry for me, actually i was just kidding but oh well. So some people are just really apathetic about everything and that drives me nuts. I don't know, I just don't think that friendships or relationships are worth it when one person is doing most of the giving. That is not the type of thing i'm interested in... does that make any sense to anyone but me? Can I just say that I hated New Year's Eve? To me, its like the second worst holiday EVER (the first being Valentine's Day). I have never had a good Valentines day, but the last good NYE that i had was 4 years ago in 2000....I actually went to a ...