Mr. Right

I was talking to an old friend this weekend and something he said to me really got to me. He told me that all men get sick of... let's just say "being with" the same woman and go looking for something "new."

I disagreed. I told him I know plenty of men that I believe would never even THINK of doing that to their wife. I said maybe I know people with morals and that's just you. Then I told him maybe that's just African men (he's African, it has nothing to do with skin color either, because not all African men are black). I say so because I have dated a lot of African men, and I actually married (and divorced) one. All of those that I have dated have had character issues. They weren't all from the same country (Somalia, Kenya, Zambia, Nigeria). However, I can say with confidence there were definite character issues with all of them. Perhaps it was something about me that I was portraying that attracted them to me. However, I have resolved I will never date someone from Africa again (to be clear, black OR white-skinned).

I brought this up to an aquaintence who I don't know very well yet, and he told me that he didn't think that I had anything to worry about. But I can't help but wonder if that's why my relationships in the past haven't worked out. Do many men just get bored with the same woman? Or as this person put it, the certain part of the woman's anatomy?

I always figured that if a man was in a good relationship and he was getting what he needed physically as well, I wouldn't have anything to worry about. But maybe I do! I don't know... but if men are going around saying this to me, perhaps I should be worried. Perhaps I should just give up looking for one man who can give me what I long for in a relationship.

I am disheartened to think that I might never find someone who wants to be with me forever, and who won't "get bored" with me. I don't think of myself as a boring person, but I'm not the type of girl who will cause "drama" in a relationship just because I'm bored. I am honest, I am terrible at hiding my feelings. However, I feel like all of the things I want from a man are reasonable. I want him to be there for me when I need him (if I'm upset, or if I'm giddy). I want him to satisfy me emotionally, physically, spiritually. I want him to simply love me and treat me with respect. I want him to put me in my place if I need it, and I don't want him to be intimidated by my honesty. And I don't want him to have a problem with his ego so much that he can't handle me putting him in his place when he needs it. I want a man who will sit and watch a baseball or basketball game with me and not be pissed that I might know just as much about the game as he does.

I'm just afraid that this man, if he does exist... will want me. I seem confident, but I definitely am not as confident as people think I am. I am confident in my talents. I am a strong person. I have had to be. It takes a strong person to realize that their marriage is a failure, and was a huge mistake from the jump, and to tell this person who has hurt them so much they have got to go. I am not one to run away from my problems or to just give up. However, I am one that refused to live in misery for the rest of my life with someone who completely changed after we got married. I am one who refused to have childen with someone who resented me and whom I resented. I came home every day dreading coming home. I was happier at work than I was at home. And I don't do what I love.

I will continue these thoughts... sometime....


Deven said…
Sigh. I'd like to think that even if men get bored, they remember that love is a choice, not a feeling. I don't feel the same way I did when I got married. I've thought about leaving, and I've talked with my husband about it. He said he thinks everyone has those thoughts at times. You just choose not to dwell on them, and you choose to stay.

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