I miss him. I don't know what to do. There's no way for me to contact him. I feel helpless. I hate feeling that way. Did I mention I miss him?

Its not normal to be seeing someone and not actually SEE them for a long period of time. I'm ashamed to even say how long. But I know it isn't my fault. Is it his fault? I don't know. All I know is that the one person I want to talk to in the whole world is the one person I haven't been able to talk with for too long.

So many people tell me their opinions. They tell me their opinion of a man they've never met. The only person who hasn't told me to cut my losses is my best friend... because she knows me best. I hope that's why at least... oh and my friend Amber... she told me to follow my heart. I have been following my heart. Now my heart hurts. But in the end could it all be worth it? Maybe. I don't know. I'm too used to being abandoned and having my heart broken. I hate it. Can't ONE thing be easy? Just one. I've never had anything come easy to me... all I ask for is one thing. I'm not rich... I barely make enough to get by. Its difficult getting by as a single person these days. I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life, unless I hit the lottery (and since I don't play, that might be difficult). One thing... I'm almost 30 years old and I feel like I'm on the verge of losing someone that has meant more to me than probably any other man in my life... although I've only known him for a year.

Then again I wonder... is a year my limit? I have dated people before.. and right around a year they always head for the hills. I'm not a horribly difficult person to get along with in a relationship. I am very giving, loving and supportive. I just don't get it. Sometimes I feel utterly unloveable.

Maybe I'm just venting.. and I hope that I didn't bum anyone out that might actually be reading this. I just need to vent and see if anyone else in the world feels like this.


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