Feeling down

The last week (not even full week) has been unbareable. The guy I've been seeing is having some issues with his phone service and I haven't been able to talk to him since Monday. We talked on the phone Monday, he e-mailed me on Wednesday and since then there has been no contact. I hate it. I feel like we're not even together. I hate it. I hate not being able to see him I hate us being so far apart- even though its not even that far.

I think he's worth it.. no- I know he's worth all the nights and days I spend without him. I just hate that I have to do it. I think that in one way its better than not having someone who (hopefully) is missing me too... but that doesn't make it suck any less.

I feel like I'm ready. I don't know if he is... sometimes I feel like he is... but I've been wrong before, so I try not to be too excited about it. I've just been burned so much and I get scared. I get scared when I don't get to talk to him on the phone. We've been in contact nearly every day one way or another for a while now... and all my fears just start building up.

He's told me he's afraid about what I think if he doesn't call me at night. I'm no expert but I think that means he cares. I just can't help that those fears to build up. I'm not sure what to say about it. I've just been treated like crap a lot... and I don't want to open myself up to that again. However, I do want to open up to him and to know him and for him to know me.

I'll stop going on and on now!

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