Okay... I'm not sure how to start this... this might be very random.. it might make sense, because I'm not sure where this is going right now.
I am completely broken-hearted. I won't go into much detail, but I am. I have spent most of my life alone and quite honestly lonely. But this does not make this existence of mine any less painful.
I often wonder if I will ever find someone who will be able to love me, flaws and all. I often think that this is impossible (although I know nothing is impossible with God). I sometimes wonder why its me that is the single one. About 90 percent of my friends are already married, most of them having babies by now. I always thought I'd be married by now- and maybe its a good thing that I'm not because if I were, maybe I would be unhappy. I often feel like I am destined to wander this world alone for my entire life.
And I came to a crippling conclusion today. I was going through my old choir tour books (the ones we would all write stuff in for other people.. nice things .. well the people that did it right did)... and I had this thought... that I am not sure if I have been truly happy since I left school. Maybe its the old theory of the problem with adapting to life after attending a Christian university. I don't know. However, I know that I was never happier in my life than at the time I was at IWU. And I long and pray for that kind of happiness and joy to be with me again someday.
I am completely broken-hearted. I won't go into much detail, but I am. I have spent most of my life alone and quite honestly lonely. But this does not make this existence of mine any less painful.
I often wonder if I will ever find someone who will be able to love me, flaws and all. I often think that this is impossible (although I know nothing is impossible with God). I sometimes wonder why its me that is the single one. About 90 percent of my friends are already married, most of them having babies by now. I always thought I'd be married by now- and maybe its a good thing that I'm not because if I were, maybe I would be unhappy. I often feel like I am destined to wander this world alone for my entire life.
And I came to a crippling conclusion today. I was going through my old choir tour books (the ones we would all write stuff in for other people.. nice things .. well the people that did it right did)... and I had this thought... that I am not sure if I have been truly happy since I left school. Maybe its the old theory of the problem with adapting to life after attending a Christian university. I don't know. However, I know that I was never happier in my life than at the time I was at IWU. And I long and pray for that kind of happiness and joy to be with me again someday.
Comments