I hate Valentine's day.

I have never once had a good Valentine's day... I'm starting to wonder if I ever will. This year I expect nothing so I'm not disappointed. That's how I view life these days.... expect nothing so you don't get disappointed and hurt. This is no way to go through life. And by the way it doesn't work. I always end up disappointed anyway. Because even though I tell myself to expect nothing, still in the back of my mind I think "well just maybe...."

Actually this way of life has become a lot better in the past year or so. Before then, I would literally expect nothing, look for nothing more out of life, and got nothing more. When I decided to expect more, and look for more, I got more... but now I'm wondering if there's even more.

Don't I deserve more? I try to tell myself I do, although usually I wonder if its true.

Things have been really difficult for me lately and its been getting me down. I often wonder when things will start going my way, or if they ever will. Just when I think things are starting to look up something else goes wrong.... I guess that's why I try to expect nothing, because that's what I feel I usually get.