My Heart - by Kristen Lea

Well, things were going well for me the past week or so...but today sort of stunk. Why are guys the way they are? Ugh- it just ticks me right off. I had been planning on doing something with Mike tomorrow, but today when we talked about it, I asked him if he still wanted to do something tomorrow and he said no, and that he'd just spend the time watching the extended version of The Two Towers tomorrow. Well, that makes me feel just wonderful. He put me in a bad mood for the rest of the night. How am I supposed to take that? We were going to hang out with another friend too... but she isn't going... how am I supposed to believe that he just doesn't want to spend time with me? Perhaps that's not it.. but I feel like that is the case. It frustrates me. I just don't understand it.

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the Olsen twins need to get friends other than each other? Or maybe its just that they should go away altogether... yeah, that's it... they need to go away. One question: Is it just me, or do all girls take just about EVERYTHING personally? I took the stupidest, smallest thing personally and almost cried about it! It was the dumbest thing too! A woman I worked with seemed to be having a bad day or something and snapped at me and it made me sad. Anyway, I got over it. Today could have been better, but it was okay. I may go watch Finding Nemo yet tonight.

Isn't life wonderful?! Today was a busy day of working 7-4, but I'm pretty sure it was like the best day ever at work. I worked with my favorite stockman and that was great. Don't you love when people surprise you? And I'm not talking about a surprise as in a gift, but surprise as in something they say surprises you (in a good way) and it just makes you so happy inside? That's a great feeling. So much is going on lately- things are great. I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow for work, so I'm here on a Friday night, WEBLOGGING, like some computer-nerd-doogie howser m.d. journal-keeper or something. OH well, I'm over it now. The past week has been so great that I don't care if I'm at home alone on a Friday night. And that's gotta be saying something. Perhaps I should call my old high school friends more so we can hang out... sometimes I think that would be a good thing, but sometimes I'm scared that it will b...

Why is it that I can talk to someone on an every day basis for several months, and when it comes to the point of wanting to call this person, it seems so difficult, even impossible? Of course, this person is a guy.... so that is a big determinant... I mean, for goodness sakes, we've send the better part of the past week together for goodness sakes.... I guess it is because when we talk, its usually at work, and calling has a little factor of vulnerablility in it... the fact that you call someone means that you were thinking about them when they weren't there. Calling people has always been a little ... nerve racking for me... I know my former roomie Micah is with me on this one. I can only imagine how anxious people that are classified as intraverts feel about calling other people... I don normally have a problem talking to people in person, so you'd think that I wouldn't have that big of a problem talking on the phone to people- but I do! Especially guys! Well, I ...

I listened to Christmas music for the first time this season today.... Christmas music is the best! Can you believe there are only 6 Saturdays until Christmas?! Well, its true... just ask walmart.... hehehe. Christmas music can make me in the best mood ever, even if i was just doing the dishes! I also thought of Nicole since she made me the CD. I was thinking about how she always used to dance around to the music and how many laughs we used to have in the old townhouse. Why do we have momentary lapses of doubt about ourselves? For instance... I was talking to someone about my favorite stockman, and they asked me if i was sure that he liked me, and I kinda freaked out, because I couldn't really say for sure without a doubt that he liked me back... how strange is that? I guess we're all insecure in some way. That's all for now.

Today was a great day, even though some disgruntled customer threw a pen at me. I don't know why people think that's going to make things better.... she also said "we'll see if I ever come back here again." Do customers really think I care if they come back? There are plenty of other people that shop there to make up for her... especially when she only bought four things today anyway... apparently I am supposed to care, but I don't really. Anyway, the good part is that I got to work with my favorite stockman ever... it was fun. Anyway, why is it that I can plan to ask someone else something or do something, and never end up doing it for no real reason at all? Maybe I chicken out... maybe I just forget... I am not sure. Isn't it the best thing when you can look at someone and not say a word; just smile, and its almost like you know what each other is thinking... or even that the fact that they smiled at you fills you with happiness? So I f...

So, sometimes I think I'd rather go to bed early just so I can wake up sooner... even though I really know TECHNICALLY I won't wake up any sooner... but the time will just pass faster because I'm all snuggly in my bed... is that how you spell snuggly? My favorite thing about life at this second is Conan O'Brien because he makes me laugh... if I could meet him I would ask if I could be a writer on his show because that'd be fun, and then we could be close personal friends and I could babysit his new baby daughter and Live in New York City! What makes me think of these things? I don't know. I'm actually beginning to think that sometimes working at walmart can be a kinda pleasant experience... how odd is that? I have friends there, they think I'm funny, and I work at the service desk and get to hang with my favorite stockman half of the time! How awesome is that!?