My Heart - by Kristen Lea

I have finally found out for real that I've been being deceived. There's no feeling like it. You feel cheated, used, lost, and just disgusted. Someone I know has used people to their advantage to get to places she wants that are incredibly sinful. I may have called her a friend at one point, but that will never- and I repeat NEVER happen. I just don't understand how people can disregard others feelings and just go about life as if there are no consequences. There are. And I, for one- do not want to be a part of it. And because of all this, a friend of mine was kicked out of her dad's house. I may talk to him, because she shouldn't be punished for others choices. She's pregnant and has a 2 year old son, and nowhere to go. I am sick over this. I am disgusted. I am beside myself. I can't handle all of this. It makes me want to move away so I don't have to deal with all of this garbage that is straight from the pit of hell!

As a matter of what might be called happenstance, I am in the middle of a big mess right now. It is not easy for me, and I am having a really hard time with it. It has to do mostly with two females I know who are not on the best of terms right now. I have been placed inadvertently in the middle and now am being accused of things myself - which I really do not appreciate. It kinda makes me feel like a kid with the divorced parents trying to turn the child against the other parent... only its a little different. Its hard for me to be objective, because of some other circumstances, but this is something my life really didn't need right now. I was just starting to feel good- and seemingly have found a possible new church family... and now I'm just worn out... all since Sunday! That is crazy! Sometimes I wish I could just do what my best friend wants me to do and move to Indiana! But running away would not solve the problem- even though its not even my problem. It would proba...

I am not feeling so well lately... keep me in your prayers. My mom is hopefully coming home this week. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. The house is a disaster ( I stopped there today), and I hope the person whom made it that way with clean it up BEFORE she comes home. That house would be so much cleaner if one specific person didn't mess it up with a bunch of crap. Anyway, what I was saying.. I'm just not doing well emotionally. Its way too long of a story but I am just not feeling well about my life in general at this moment. Hopefully its just hormones or something- but I really do know its more. And I loathe that.

Not a lot to report here.... sorry my life is actually quite boring! Keep my mom in your prayers. They did a biopsy this week of her lymph nodes. I haven't heard anything about when the results will be back.

This past weekend was great for me. Not only did I get a three day weekend (woo hoo) but I had a really good time (although I failed to take any pictures to capture that). Anyway, I mostly watched softball all weekend. It really made me realize how much I missed playing and really even watching. There were some guys I knew playing in the annual tournament this year, so I pretty much did that all weekend, and hung out with friends and family, and that was really nice. Although, I think I got a male friend of mine in trouble after Friday night... we were dancing together and afterwards, I was asking him if he was going to be around Saturday and he got this look on his face and then told me he would be, but he was bringing his girlfriend. The rest of the weekend he acted differently, so I assumed he got in trouble. Oh well. I didn't know. Dancing is just dancing sometimes anyway. My friend Andrea is back in town and I can't wait to see her! She's been in Texas for wha...